Working Mommy Journal

In Why Won’t You Sleep?! researcher and sleep coach Macall Gordon and the Sleep Lady, Kim West, offer a tried-and-true approach to shifting sleep behavior that actually works . . . even when nothing else has.

About Why Won’t You Sleep?!

A tsunami of modern sleep training methods promise “easy” and “quick” results and for many parents and children, these methods work as intended. However, there is a large, exhausted group of parents whose children have sleep problems that are not responsive to those crying-based methods.

These children tend to be more reactive, persistent, and perceptive than their peers. And when it comes to sleep, little ones with this kind of temperament put up a much, much bigger fight. They need a different approach. That’s where Why Won’t You Sleep? comes in.

Based on extensive research and proven methods used with thousands of families just like yours, this guide gives you strategies tailored to your child’s unique temperament. Readers will learn:

• Why popular sleep training techniques don’t work for some children
• The strengths and challenges of your child’s temperament traits
• Simple changes to your child’s routine and environment that set you up for success
• How to create a plan for your child, using the time-tested approach that doesn’t require leaving anyone alone to cry
• Tips, tricks, and workarounds for bedtime shenanigans, night wakings, co-sleeping, and more
• How to confidently push past plateaus and setbacks

Along the way, Gordon and West provide much-needed encouragement, validation, and insights to bolster parents’ self-confidence and resilience. Why Won’t You Sleep?! gives you concrete answers to why sleep has been more challenging for these kiddos—and offers parents a much-needed dose of “I’ve got this!”

Our Thoughts

My husband and I are the proud parents of three children – 20, 13 and 3 months. I feel it is safe to say one of the hardest things you will have to do as a parent is establishing a sleep schedule and feeding. I also feel that these two areas are likely where you will receive the most ‘feedback’, advice, criticism, comparison and everything in between. Most of this comes from a positive place, but when you are struggling and tired as a parent it can be that breaking point for you. On top of this, add the constant bombardment on social media about the newborn who sleeps 12 hours, the wonderful sleep schedule that has ensured that their child sleeps through the night on their own, etc.. The best thing I did with my third child was to delete one of my social media accounts and then limit my usage on another to help with my anxiety and comparison to others. While I am happy that others may have had success with their methods, I did not find that they were helpful for the majority of parents and it added a layer of anxiety that I did not need at such a vulnerable stage of parenthood.

I was excited to read this guide, but also hesitant to see their approach. Most parenting guides, that I have read, take a one way only approach, don’t always feel right for my parenting style and tend to avoid looking at the unique personality traits of the child (children are all born different and it is hard to just lump them in one category). They can sometimes make you feel like you are failing (not their intent) but the guides just doesn’t work for your own little one for a variety of reasons.

I am not going to lie, I cried when I started reading the guide. For the first time, I felt heard as a parent, felt that it was okay to fail and have to start over again, that it was okay to revert back if needed but mostly I cried because of the non-judgmental tone and understanding approach. I have had three kids and this is the first time I didn’t feel like a failure. Those sleepless nights on the floor beside their bed, rocking them to sleep, bouncing (the list can go on), and the way that other parents made me feel bad for doing (I have heard so many times, ‘just put them down when they are drowsy’ and ‘let them cry it out’) were finally recognized. I felt that I wasn’t completely losing my mind and that I wasn’t failing, I just wasn’t taking the right approach to match what my child needs at night.

My children were (and are) a livewire, and each of them is slightly different. My eldest was labelled colicky and struggled with sleep, needing to be held or to hold on to my husband or I, but during the day he was the most social butterfly – he loved talking and playing with others. My middle child was slightly more shy, preferring to watch the action during the day but at night, again like his brother, preferred to be held, and rocked to sleep. Our youngest, while it is still early, has a completely different temperament and loves to sleep, she is quieter and prefers to watch the action and be held during the day. After reading through this guide, I realized that all the stress and anxiety I went through when they were younger was because I was trying to force them into following a routine that would never work for them because of their own unique personality.

The guide takes a great approach for preparing you to understand and create a sleep schedule that works for your family. It starts off with recognizing where you are at, providing reassurance that you are doing a great job and then helping us understand our little ones. Then we dive into recognizing is everyone ready to start working on their sleep. Which also comes with important checklists, symptoms/items to watch out for and ensuring you as the parent are ready to (a good check in with our emotional and physical state is just as important before we start tackling the sleep schedule!). We then dive right into four important strategies to tackle the most common sleep issues, the what if scenarios and then most importantly – what is progress and what does this look like. Sometimes as parents, if we don’t see an immediate change then we may be worried it isn’t working but this isn’t realistic for little ones.

The approach, tone and check ins are so important for parents. Why Won’t You Sleep?! reads like a conversation, versus a one size fits all approach. I felt no-judgement, reassurance for my fears, and understanding of the unique struggles that are being faced at such a vulnerable point in a parenting journey. We are armed with checklists, what to watch out for, examples and what to do if ‘x’ happens. Why Won’t You Sleep?! is a definite parent must have, I would recommend it to all parents regardless of where there child is at. It is not a read once and put it back on the shelf, it is definitely one of those guides that you should and will take back down, make notes, bookmark pages and reread again.

You can purchase a copy of this book on Amazon.

About the Author

Macall is a researcher, advocate, and certified pediatric sleep consultant specializing in non-cry-it-out approaches. She has deep expertise in the sleep training research literature and parenting advice and she advocates for a change in how we think about sleep training. . .especially as it relates to children who are alert, sensitive, intense, persistent, and perceptive (“livewires”).

She has a B.S. in Human Biology from Stanford University and an M.A. in Applied Psychology from Antioch University, Seattle where she worked as a Senior Lecturer in the graduate Counseling Psychology program. She has conducted and presented research worldwide on sleep training advice, parenting, and the effect of temperament on sleep. She is also a certified Gentle Sleep Coach trained by co-author Kim West (aka “The Sleep Lady”). She comes to this work because she had two sensitive, alert, intense children, and she didn’t sleep for 18 years.

KIM WEST, MSW, is a mother of two daughters and a Clinical Social Worker (which is a child and family therapist) for over 25 years. Known as The Sleep Lady® by her clients, she has personally helped over 20,000 tired parents all over the world get a good night’s sleep without letting their children cry it out alone.

Kim has appeared on the Dr. Phil, Today Show, NBC Nightly News, Good Morning America, TLC’s Bringing Home Baby and CNN, and has been written about in a number of publications including The Wall Street Journal, Associated Press, Baby Talk, Parenting, The Baltimore Sun, USA Today, The Telegraph, The Irish Independent and the Washington Post.

Kim is the author of three books: “The Sleep Lady’s Good Night, Sleep Tight: Gentle Proven Solutions to Help Your Child Sleep Well and Wake Up Happy”, “ The Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook” and “The Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook for Children with Special Needs”. Her first book “The Sleep Lady’s Good Night, Sleep Tight” is in its third edition and has sold over 140,000 paperback copies.

Dedicated to providing tired parents with excellent sleep advice and coaching while knowing Kim could not help everyone herself, she started the Gentle Sleep Coach® Training and Certification program in 2010–the first and most comprehensive training program in the world. This program was the start to what is now a now a global industry- Baby and Child Sleep Consultants. To date, the Gentle Sleep Coach Training and Certification program is available in 2 languages.

You can find her free sleep guides and resources at Sleeplady.com.

Disclosure: I received a copy of this book in order to facilitate this review. All opinions expressed are my own.